Erica Chan Photography

"We either make ourselves happy or miserable. The amount of work is the same." - Carlos Castaneda

Perhaps it's pathetic fallacy, but as of late my life has been seeming somewhat grey. Quick blurb about how and why I think I'm feeling this way - The skies are grey and they bring some showers and lots of surf. My body (having recently turned 30) is injured and obstructs my constant need to play in the surf.  I can't surf.  I can watch.  But I can't play.  Ouch.  A week passes... two... three... a month, now two months... I'm ready to get back in and I'm totally over this whole "you can't surf" thing.  I can blame the weather - and sometimes I do.  I can blame the "lack of surf" in my life - and often I do.  But the honest truth is that I sulk around the house blaming these things for my current dull, lackluster life.  Don't get me wrong, I'm no pessimist.  I love life.  I don't hate my life or anything, I just get frustrated when I don't get what I want - just like most people in this world.  And what I want is to surf.  But what I also want is not to damage my body so that I can't surf for the rest of my life.  Ugh.  Sometimes doing the responsible thing is so annoying.  So, today, being Thursday, I am sucking up all the frustration and chewing it into small swallowable pieces, and washing it down with a nice glass of coconut water (very hydrating!).  Thursday's as good a day as any to suck it up.  At least you give yourself one day before trying out your "new and improved" self for the weekend.  This weekend I choose being happy.  Miserable is so last week.  Ha ha! Embrace happy with open arms and give it a nice big hug.  At worst it will cheer you up, at best you might catch a glimpse of how magnificent life really can be.

"If you don't like where you are, change it!  You're not a tree!"  - Jim Rohn

So that's one side of my speeding, nonstop mind down.  Let's talk photos.

I've given myself this great Polaroid Project for 2010.  It's amazing how your equipment can define the type of shooter that you are.  We are all caught up in the amazing "instant gratification" of the digital age.  I have something to say about that... I don't think it's instant gratification at all!  Actually, I think it just gives us an opportunity to be lazy.  Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't go and commit to a wedding and shoot only film - first off the couples want digital images to email to family and share with friends on facebook - that is our generation.  But I shot this polaroid wedding album for a friend and MAN! what a rewarding project that was.  You have to really pick and choose your moment with film.  Polaroids are bringing me back to the days of 4x5 cameras, complete with loupe and dark cloth.  See, set up, focus, deliberate, commit, shoot, move on.  You have to manipulate the situation so set up the best scene, both compositionally and with the light that you have to work with.  My Polaroid camera has a small flash, but it doesn't really offer much control or versatility with my lighting situations. I've become alive again.  There is so much out there to shoot - how come it's so hard to see sometime?  There is beauty everywhere.  I mean EVERYWHERE.  Becoming more in tune with your surroundings you begin to pay attention to things that might get lost from your sight.  Widen your peripherals.  I all of a sudden see the beauty in the snail trails that decorate the pavement around my house.  Although their presence makes me cringe when I think about my failing vegetable garden, their trails are beautiful and intricate, and they sparkle in the sun.  Or the overgrown bush that surrounds my mail box.  Annoying as it may be, there is a quaint beauty in the long term interaction between the mailbox - which gets a meaningful daily interaction with the same mailman - and the smothering love of the bush.  The leaves tenderly caress the sides of the black box and the flowers blossom to brighten up the scene and keep the box happy.  The wind rustles the two against each other, and they cuddle together to keep warm and stable.  There is a beautiful interaction that happens, but remains unseen by most people - other than the mailman.  Ok, so some people might be able to see more beauty in certain scenes.  Art is subjective.  That's the beauty of Art!  Anything can be beautiful.  You just have to know why you think it is beautiful.  You have to see past the tangible visibility of the scene and get to the energy and meaning that it represents. 

"The mind is a strange machine which can combine the materials offered to it in the most astonishing ways." - Bertrand Russell

Take the world in and marinate on the beauty that it has to show us.  The more colorful the world is, the more fun it is to live in it.  We are the only ones who can make the world a more beautiful place for ourselves.  Why wouldn't we?  Paint the world colorful and tip the scales away from the less exciting tattered monochrome picture we keep in our back pocket for sentimental value.  I see the beauty of grey, but today I want the beauty of the color of life.

first - a change of pace.

i've moved from bc in the lovely winter time to maui with non stop waves and incoming storms bringing more waves to a fast paced hong kong in a whirlwind trip for a visit with old friends and a wedding back to vancouver for a minute and returning to maui. the jerky motion of oncoming traffic in hong kong got my blood rushing at a fast pace.  cloned red taxi cabs in a hustle of bustling people moving faster than my eye can capture.  the blur of lights and moving body parts makes it hard to focus at first.  then after a couple days the i learn to move at the same pace.  in order to see through it, i have to catch up to the speed.  my perspective has to match.  my legs move a little faster and my fighting instincts kick in.  and then its time to leave.  catch the train to the airport, efficiency at every finger tip.  whiz through the shopping mall of departures.  travel. travel. travel.  sleep.  tired.  awake.  ocean.  waves... waves...  water.  sleep.  tired.  inspired.

the time has not yet caught up with me.  jetlag is still infecting my mind and sleep patterns.  it festers, keeping me awake at night and tired during the day.  the sky is grey and the waves begin to push and grow as the storm gets closer.  the sky darkens and closes out its blue flesh with a harder thicker shell of storm clouds.  the wind tickles the trees and leaves and the ocean rumbles in hunger.  a small army of people brave the frontlines to challenge the arrival of the approaching front.  i wish i could grab my board of defence and be out there.  with them.  but i am injured and am forced to bypass the frontline action and work reconnoissance.  fortifying my mind as my body itches for the action.  the wind is light like a feather today.  soaring over a smooth flowing wave of coastal energy.  grey envelopes us.  a thick blanket of warmth coats our little island.  there is a calm.  a silent, quiet, mute, neutral grey calm.

i believe we should do what we love.  those who have found a career that makes them want to go into work everyday are a lucky few.  i love what i do.  i love shooting and i love people.  i love traveling and documenting.  i love telling stories.  i love seeing the smiles on peoples faces when they get their photos back.  there is a moment for them to remember forever. 

i was talking to an old friend of mine yesterday and he hates his job.  he was saying the thought of going to work when he wakes up every morning is about as appealing as "eating stale crackers with no teeth." he is a creative person.  incredibly intelligent.  but somehow, someway, has gotten stuck in the game.  get a stable job.  be prepared to provide for a family.  do the right thing.  be responsible.  he says to me that he can't be that smart if he knows how he wants to spend his life but doesn't actually do it.  it's true.  we have the ability to do the things we want to do.  we just have to be ready to give up other things.  his whole dilemma is giving up the stability of a good, solid job at a solid firm.  he remembers the words of his father, who worked a government job his whole life.  "stability is something you should strive for, and find a job that provides you that" - so he has.  but the day to day and the week to week is a slow, painful depreciation of his soul.  every little bit of himself that he gives he feels he will never get back.  and what is it all going to.  something stable.  if the stability he is striving for provides him an instability in his mind and soul then is it really all that stable.  by definition, no. by being responsible by society's standards he is being irresponsible to himself.  "yourself" is the only person you have a true responsibility to.  you have to live with yourself for the rest of your life.

"True stability results when presumed order and presumed disorder are balanced. A truly stable system expects the unexpected, is prepared to be disrupted, waits to be transformed." ~ Tom Robbins

we can only prepare so much for the things in life that will be thrown our way... in our home lives, our work lives, our relationships, our family, our friends, our health... the list goes on.  there is only so much preparation that can be done.  what if we spend our whole life preparing for something we are afraid of - like not having enough money to provide for the things we want.  what if prices go up and money devalues and we are left with nothing more than worthless numbers in a bank account or a stack of paper with the photos of presidents on it that is worth nothing.  we can't know what the world will bring.  we can't prepare ourselves for the unknown.  but we can expect that the unexpected will happen in our lives.  we can prepare ourselves for changes that we know we have to make, but don't know what those changes will be yet.  we can wait to see how our lives will evolve and change over time.  we can take our lives day by day and overcome the daily obstacles that compound together to make up the sedimentary layers of our lives.  if we prepare for something that is a year away, we might be unprepared for what might happen tomorrow.  there is a particular order that things should be done, we should follow the progression to keep that order. 

i was shooting this wedding last year with a wonderfully calm couple.  they had prepared to have polaroid shots of all their guests for their guest book.  they ordered the polaroids on ebay with ample time for the delivery.  but customs held their polaroids for weeks - something that they couldn't control.  on the day of their wedding, the polaroids were still in customs.  they didn't panic.  they just let it go and decided to take in the day - and that would be memory enough of all the people they got to share their day with them.  the polaroids came weeks later, but their day went off without any problems or stress.  it was a beautiful lesson for me to witness, because sometimes i can stress about things that are out of my control.  most of the time these things are not all that significant.  they are a momentary stress that raises my heartbeat and takes a couple days off my life, but the problem is here today, gone tomorrow.  i've learned since then to try my best to "let it go" whenever a problem arises.  the stress isn't worth it.  we can adapt.  our situations equalize and, just like on a surfboard, you can find balance with an overwhelming force pushing at your heels.  you just have to go with the flow and enjoy the ride. 

so back to doing what you want to do in life.  i think everyone should do what they want.  i'm not saying strip yourself of your daily "responsibilities" - i'm just saying take it one day at a time, one mission at a time, one thing you want to do at a time.  find something you want to do.  walk out onto the scary plank that hovers over those dangerous waters of uncertainty and abnormality.  do it blindfolded if you have to.  but make that walk to the edge and don't hesitate to take the plunge.  likelyhood is that you will be fine and the adrenaline might even kick up your heartbeat a little.  of course, this is all only if you can swim.  if not, progression of things would recommend you take the required swimming lessons before walking that particular plank.

also.  check my friends out!  www.theburiedlife.com

Life is kind of like a seamless story of activities.  One day flows into the next.  There are planned activities and random adventures. I have a set of responsibilities that make up my daily routine - at home, at work, in my relationships...  I routinely assess my situation of the day to day life that I lead and appoint time and energy to make sure all my responsibilities are taken care of.  I look at my relationship and give my partner the time and love (two of the most important things in a relationship) in order to be good partner.  I look at my house and make sure that it is clean, my work and chores are completed, my  bills are paid and my laundry is done.  I feed my dog twice a day and groom her when she is dirty.  All the routine responsibilities are well looked after.  Being efficient with my time is a huge item on my list of living life.  If I am efficient with my time, I afford myself time for extracurricular activities... Such as surfing.  Or trips for photography.  Or beach days with my dog.  Anything outside of my normal responsibilities is just an added bonus... but you have to afford yourself the time and energy to take on the added bonuses.  I would love to take cooking classes... or learn how to salsa dance.  I would love to take all my old clothes and rip them up and sew them back together to make new clothes.  I would love to take art lessons and learn how to make clay sculptures. Sometimes I say there isn't enough time in a day to do the things I want to do, but I do have the time.  I just choose to take it more leisurely.  I could, for example, skip the long surf session and take an art class... but I like surfing - and when I'm out there, I don't want to come in.  I could also wake up an hour earlier and explore an early morning Tai Chi class... but I like my sleep because I don't really get much of it.  It's all in our control, we just have to make the decisions that determine the scenery of the path we are on in life. Afford yourself extra curricular activities to keep life more interesting.  Anything extra is an added bonus.. every one likes bonuses.

I think interesting people can be singled out by their choice of extracurricular activities.  People who do and try lots of different things are often much more interesting and curious people. They have experienced many creative avenues. Even if they aren't good at some things, their choices to challenge themselves in a foreign way has expanded their minds just through the experience and broadened their perspectives.  It's like perspective is a beautiful collage of polaroids that you make in your lifetime... Polaroids are moments of reality... come and gone, but captured for future contemplations. One overlaps the other, which overlaps the next one. The more perspective you have, the richer the collage becomes.

Perhaps we can look at "extracurricular" as just exposing yourself to interesting avenues as they fit into your life. For someone who is a social person, they can paint the canvas of their life with extra bright and colorful people.  If you hang out with funny people, you will learn to laugh a lot... and you should know a couple of good jokes too.  If you hang around musical people you should gain a more refined appreciation for good music... and perhaps expose yourself to the inner workings of an instrument or two. I guess coloring your life with creativity is different for each person... you just have to determine how you are creatively challenged. And then challenge yourself.

I know what I am after.  I am after the experiences that will enrich my mind and imagination and challenge my routine.  Try adding a little flair to your life.  Think about adding a quarter of your time in a day to exploring new things. Put your quarter into the gumball machine that is life and hope for a tasty red gumball.  Sometimes you'll get a blue one.  Sometimes you'll get a yellow one.  Whatever comes out, you know you're getting a gumball that you can blow a huge colorful bubble with that might just pop in your face  But if you don't put the quarter in you can almost bet your life on it that nothing will come out.  

Happy New Year to everyone!  I'm wishing you all the best for 2010.  A new year, a new decade, a new opportunity for upgrades.  For me.  New decades resolutions... Off load your ballast and follow your dreams - all while making a difference in the world we live in. Make the difference. To yourself and to those we live in this world with. 

a quick glimpse of our photoshoot in northern bc at the beginning, along with the rest of the amazing world of the canadian tenors.

It's a glorious day in Maui.  The sun is shining, the clouds are thin and distant, the sky is blue blue blue and the wind is on vacation.  The holidays are here, and store windows are sparkling with tinsel and christmas displays.  I hear it's snowing in BC, and as I look out my window and can't help but think I've done something right to be where I am.  I can't help but smile.  But my smile is crooked as life beats back my smirk just a little... I just got back from the dentist and the right half of my face is numb.  I spill all over myself when I try to drink anything and I can only smile a little half smile.  I guess gloating about the the sun and sand instead of the snow and cold only deserves a half smile for me anyway... I am flying to Vancouver for Christmas, leaving the warm winter swells of Maui for bundled up snow angels, scarves and mitts and red noses.  I can't help but still think it's the best of both worlds. I smile another crooked smile.

there were some waves today - i only know because i had to drop off a friend at ho'okipa and saw a couple of nice head high sets coming through.  but i didn't surf... no... i spent the day posted up on a cheap lawn chair, seeking shade and entertainment, while watching bargain hunters rummage through the junk I've decided to get rid of, hoping to find some treasure.  There were definitely treasures to be had, too.  a couple of surf boards, some very nice jewelery, some artwork, a couple of great books... on persons junk is another persons treasure.  I used to be a garage sale goer.  I stopped when I realized that I am also a pack rat.  I willingly take junk for reasons such as "I'll use it in an art project" or "You never know when you're going to need a a styrofoam cooler" or "the color of those soft boiled egg holders match my kitchen!"  Whatever the excuse, I used it.  Until finally, my girlfriend asked if she could have a garage sale at my house and asked me if there were any things that I wanted to get rid of.  I cruised around my house, looking for things I never use.  Pretty much all the things I've bought at garage sales over the years still sat neatly in their unused piles around the house, waiting to be given some love, or at least restocked on a driveway shelf to be given a chance to find someone who really would appreciate their value.  They were rounded up and given their chance to shine this morning.  Some of the things glistened in the early morning sun, and were noticed right away.  Others sat slumped over, shy and solemn, not getting noticed at all.  Even if it was a full day in the sun with superficial things to do for less than minimum wage, the $34 dollars I made today was well earned in my opinion.  I purged a little bit, and was able to help spread the love of "stuff" to those land sharks that spend their weekends circling the island, looking for their prey.  at lease my shark experiences today made me a buck or two... and the $34 bucks... well I'm sure I'll pitch that towards buying a nice futon for my spare bedroom with that money... I mean, I have to fill the empty space where all my junk used to be, right? 

I didn't sleep well last night.  I opened up my window and listened for the BIG swell to roll in.  We've been anticipating this huge swell for the past week and a half now, waiting, warming up, waiting, waiting...  I could hear waves crashing on the beach last night.  Every time I almost fell asleep, my almost unconscious mind would be disturbed by the view of a gorgeous wave that I let pass by me, a gorgeous wave that was triggered by the sounds of the ocean seeping through my window.  Everytime I would awake, I would wander sleepily over to the window and wait for my eyes to adjust to the dark of the night.  Then I would see that it was still flat, just the normal waves crashing on the beach.  For some reason they seemed so much louder.  Anticipation amplified the ocean last night.

Note to self.  Next time, don't sleep with the window open.

I woke up for real this morning, 6am, and looked out the window.  Still the same flat water I'd thought was a dream all last night.  Disappointment set in as I drove from break to break like a fiend, grinding my jaws in the absence of the adrenaline I so expected to taste in my mouth this morning.  Nothing, nothing, nothing.  We got to Honolua Bay, and finallly, some waves.  Along with 40 other people in the water.  We watched the monsters roll in, just too big for my level of non-expertise.  But nothing breaking anywhere else.  We watched the rides, the bails and the barrels.  Then we watched the storm clouds above rolling in.  Big droplets of water began to succumb to gravity, plopping themselves on the ground like over ripe nectarines, painting the pavement a darker grey.  The neutral density that swallowed me made me realise, it's just going to be one of those days.  I should let go of the disappointment and accept today's outcome.  As Maya Angelou said - "If you don't like something, change it.  If you can't change it, change your attitude."  That was all I had to think about today.  Changing my attitude.  I had expectations, and they weren't met.  I could dwell, or I could forgive the swell.  I chose to let it go. 

The second half of the day consisted of me working with my boyfriend Peter to install bamboo floors in our house.  Talk about a way to make frustration rise again. It's like a puzzle that has pieces that kind of fit together, depending on how badly you want it to.  At least there was a mallets to pound the wood panels together.  Destructive release can sometimes be very satisfying.  Kind of like retail therapy. 

But there's something incredible about seeing the transformation of something that smells of your sweat and is stained from your blood.  The blue room in my house (literally painted dark blue) aged about 10 years - growing from an adolescent teenager with multi-colored carpet threads to a mature young adult with a taste for caramel bamboo designer attire.  Plus I can sell my vacuum at my garage sale this weekend and I'm exhausted at 6pm.  Nice. 

As the philosopher Jagger once said, "You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you get what you need."  So I guess what I needed today were mallets and more sleep.  What I learnt today... Don't stand on the cliffs and complain, watching the surf pass you by.  If your play date is foiled, grab a mallet and get working on what needs to be done... so you can be ready to play tomorrow.