Erica Chan Photography

when i lived in santa barbara, i used to go to the batting cages by myself to let out my frustrations.  i would feel that hard connection between the bat and the ball and it would be the most satisfying thing at that moment in time.  it could take away all my worries and stresses and i could feel like i was hitting them out of my life.  exhilarating.  really.

 

i find myself enjoying little moments

two sayings... don't sweat the small stuff... and it's the little things in life.

i have an ocean of thoughts. 

they tumble tumultuously sometimes hitting the rocks. 

i drink a sip to stay warm and smoke cigarettes for something to do, put out a line and hope a bite will come through. 

and it hits and it fits and the fighting begins... pulling and hauling just to reel it in. 

when i realize that i'm winning the battle, adrenaline begins to kick like a shake and a rattle. 

the walls of my chest stretches as i take deeper breaths. 

a trophy piece of conversation, shiny and new... philosophical, interesting, maybe political too.

or just introspective. 

something to banter and give you perspective.

and i write it down. 

one in a million - just this one that i've found.

this one that i've caught.

others have tickled my hook and my line but i haven't fought. 

i regret that they've left, just for what i might be missing. 

break for a sec.  and marinate on it.

i guess maybe not, for the thrill of the fight is the best part of fishing.

 

instead of overthinking it, i'm just going to enjoy loving life, living art, and appreciating both. 

is photography real life?  is it reality?   think it's a true representation of how life is really.  there's an art in creating such a well represented image, just like it is an art to create such a well represented person in the grand scheme of life. 

like in photoshop.  i work in layers.  i have an original image.  and to work on individual parts of a scene i work on an individual layer.  i isolate the problems and fix them... or enhance them.  if it doesn't seem to fit, i can get rid of the layer, and the original image is left unaffected.  it's kind of similar to the way we have to work through life to make sure we address all the problems to fix the overall picture.  we end up with something we don't mind looking at... don't mind living.  we actually like to look at it.  we frame the final piece and hang it in the hallway of our life.  it matches the picture we have in the living room of our life.  then we work on the next piece to decorate our home with... our life gallery.  every piece is a proud part of our life... and it wouldn't be hung there proudly without a little bit of work, sweat and finesse. 

so art and life.  here i find myself with the same inability to articulate my thoughts when it comes to this subject. i think i'll leave it open for discussion and close with a couple of quotes to help personify the topic...

"good art is not what it looks like, but what it does to us" - roy adzak

so, really, in the photography sense, if it makes us feel something deep down... well that's what it's all about.  and if we see something that makes us feel something deep down as well - well there's your art right there.  i mean... i cry at almost every wedding i shoot.  and often the images that i capture can bring tears to the people reliving the moment.  it's a chain of emotion being passed through art and life both.

i

do we seem to appreciate the little moments - say the quirky smile of a friend - because we have an appreciation

life around and wait for the precise moment to choose to make art?  or are we all living artpieces that interact with the elements of the world - and ph

i spent this lovely evening throwing my dog, three, her ball.  man she loves that thing.  she chases it non stop, retrieves it like a pro, and drops it in front of your foot, three inches away to make sure you can reach it.  she is the biggest small dog i've ever met.  people love her... and that's not just me being a proud mother.  no, no... really... she's so great.  it's in her personality to jump when she barks... her bark may be little, but what's behind it is enormous, and it takes her whole jumping little body just to get it out.  she can play with the big boys, despite the fact that she's a little girl.  she's really one of a kind, that little three. 

it makes me think, though... that size doesn't really mean a thing.  along the same lines as age is nothing but a number.  both are just arbitrary forms of measurement - yet society makes us attach some sort of judgement or stigma to them.

Check it out at www.ericachan.com/blog.  Thanks and have a great day!

hi all.  i think i've decided to close down this blog.  just this interface.  i'm not sure how many of you are out there that read this, but my company won't service problems with this old blog interface anymore, so i've been forced to upgrade to a bigger and better blog.  take one last look.  get ready to update those bookmarks to a different address.  it'll soon be a very different store front for thoughts, photos and musical musings.  any last comments before we leave here?  i would very much appreciate to hear them.  thanks for your continued support, see you soon on the other side.

i love nick names.  shortened, stylish, different versions of ourselves.  something all encompassing.  something that everyone feels fits you in some way or another.  we listen to them.  get a feel for them.  catch ourselves using them a couple times... then a couple more... try it out on some friends... and some strangers... and soon enough... it's the new you. 

it's like society has given you permission to be two people at the same time.  dual personalities.  or a personality that has less boundaries. a persona that has increased the circumference of its tolerability.  something you can A. be K.A. -  aka - an excuse or infallible alibi.  sweet. 

for me - most people call me erica.  a name my parents gave me, a legal definition of who i am.  a created and fulfilled destiny.  a couple of close friends and liberal linguists call me e - a shortened, hip version that suits my energetic personality in a fast paced world.  two people call me by my "creative" name - acire - once drummed up in university while writing lyrics to a song and later the name of my first business.  and a few call me ec.  those are the ones from high school that have known me from the days where your name was called out by your first and last name - and teams and groups and lineups were formed... and they were done in alphabetical order - and you always knew where in that order you would appear... and who would be around you.  my buddy bb and i became very close this way.  no matter what you call me - i'm me.  uniquely, i'm the only one that calls me that.  

often names are inscribed portals to the universe of facets of a person.  the more facets to your personality, the more unique and interesting perspective you have.  to have multiple labels of identity is to have multiple influences and multiple interests... and people of like minds to appreciate their version of you enough to call you by that name.  consistently.  

it happens all the time.  musicians coin their group identities by choosing a meaningful name.  some people have such a strong sense of identity in their names that their names become the name of the band.  like phoenix vs dave matthews band.  both awesome music.  both awesome names.  and every member of both knows that their band name represents them somehow.  jay-z's real name is shawn carter.  part of the evolution of his now widely known persona came from a nickname jazzy.  his name says it all.  his music is just the proof.  it's just his title as deemed acceptable by society. 

"titles are but nicknames, and every nickname is a title." - thomas paine

every nickname is a title - like in bold letters at the top of the page.  the page is the interesting part - with all the juicy descriptions and colorful experiences and meaningful relationships.  chapters of life, summed up by one title.  one nickname.

a name - is a name - is a nickname - is an aphorisms of our original self.  it is a "compressed, poetic genre" of the real thing.  it defines us, and combines the wisdom of every situation's flittering thought in our extremities and strings them together to clothe an accepted, respected offspring of ourself. 

but... still... we are who we were, who we are, and who we will always be.  the essence of our identity is in the complexities that make us up - which - even if we can't identify and explain all of them - are still part of our conceptual dna. 

but don't forget what shakespeare said - "that which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet."

so.  we may know our nickname.  but what's more important is not whether that nickname sounds good or feels right... it's still how we smell to others that really matters.  douse yourself in the odor of a name or a nickname - but wear it proudly.  own it.  you can call me crazy... that's a name and a smell that i tolerate with a smile.

i've given a lot of thought to the topic of art and life lately.  i've written and rewritten this post several times now, sometimes with a clear and cohesive outlay of words, and other times with a digitized record of verbal diarhea in a mish mash of unfinished sentences and thought bursts.  i can never seem to find the right way to articulate what i mean - so it's never been worth posting.  i wait, and wait, and wait.... for it to be just right.  i think the right time is now, not because i've come to a completion of a thought, but moreso because i can't get by this post to think of anything else until it's out this stalemate state of mind. thoughts and comments are appreciated to help complete this contemplation. 

as a photographer, i make art.  as a photographer, i capture life.  i go about my day seeing beauty in the little things.  i go about my day making the little things big things.  i find the idiosyncracies in people and exploit them.  they turn out to be beautiful when magnified by the spotlight.  i can be chilling with a friend on a couch and feel the sudden urge to take out my camera and take their picture.  there is so much beauty in that moment that i feel the need to photograph it.  they may wonder why i chose to photograph a simple moment - i can really only explain why by answering "because it's beautiful." 

it used to get me thinking.  like the chicken or the egg... which one comes first - art or life.  which is the leader.  which is the follower.  if we go back and explore "great art", many pieces of artwork are still life representations of real life.  there are the few that feel compelled to creatively express their insight into a situation - they photograph or sketch or paint what they see.  they blend their eye, their subject and their physical tangible expression through medium - to create. and they create masterpieces that are contemplated for centuries.  there are debates over the meaning of every brush stroke, every moment captured, every detail in the background and every expression made, down to the slight, upturned, quirky mouth of a maiden.  art is made.  art is made from life.  and life is artful.

so... does life mimic art or does art mimic life? 

and photography - how does a photograph fit into this whole concept?  are we, as photographers, following art around and capturing it?  that would mean that life, and everything in it, are the artists in one way or another, and the photographers are just the medium for expression.  or are we following our own paths in life and concurrently making art (and ourselves artists) out of it.  if that's the case, then everything and everyone is just a subject, a medium for creation.

it's got me all confused this art & life thing.  we see it all the time, too.  the newspapers have an "art & life" section even.  sometimes pertaining to the cultural side of art, other times pertaining to the mediums that express artful thoughts  somehow it's hard for me to pull the two apart.  they seem infinitely and emotionally connected.

this overthinking in cirlces is driving me crazy. i know i have an opinion about this, i just can't find it.  the thought cloud in my head is more of a thunderstorm of confusion.  for now - i'm just going to keep living art, framing life and appreciating both.

 

i was talking to a friend of mine today who is on this incredible journey of self discovery.  she is someone who knows where she wants to end up, without any idea of how, when or with whom.  but that whole concept of life being about the journey and not the destination is so true.  the journey is tough, with twisting turns and difficult forks in the road.  the 'road not taken' needs be nothing but a thought - a flickering thought that doesn't hold the weight of regret or desire.  ultimately, the path we choose in life is the one WE are on.  if we stick with our guts, with our intuition, with our thoughts and feelings - we will always be with ourselves.  if we find ourselves, we will never be lonely.  we will better find our whole selves, the fuller pictures, the satisfaction of a more cohesive life... one that we can actually sink our teeth into.  take a big bite and savor the flavor of self satisfaction.  sometimes people get carried away with ideals and dreams.  they want more than life is giving them at the moment.  so they think beyond, but so far beyond that it's not realizable.  then they sit at their 9-5 jobs in their air conditioned offices with their collared shirts and ties tied too tight... and dream.  their dreams get them through the day.  slowly they become less productive, and more unhappy.  they build on their dreams, and slowly their dreams become more unrealistic, and they turn into fantasies.  the dichotomy of thought and action begins to tear them apart.  the inability to realize their dreams makes them more unhappy than they were before they were dreaming at all. 

i'm not saying don't dream... i'm definitely not saying don't dream.  dream big, actually.  dream big, but follow through on your dreams... all of them.  it's the only way you'll be true to yourself.  your obligation to yourself is to explore the world with your mind, body and soul.  see what is out there.  imagine how you can affect the world.  go out and do it.  discover your presence in this sea of comings and goings and tramplings and facade of "survival of the fittest."  thoughts and dreams are the seeds that have the potential of producing something amazing and fruitful... but not without action - without love, care, watering and tending, the seed won't produce.  the action... now the action is what will get you somewhere.   everybody loves a little action.

so.  back to my girlfriend on her journey of self discovery.  over the months, i've heard terror in her voice, as well as deep sadness, confusion, strength, rationality and irrationality, and so much intelligence that i shudder to think of the waves she will create upon this world when she finally erupts her full potential onto this earth.  but now... right now, at this moment in her life... she is lonely.  she feels lost and confused, and she's sent herself out on this journey, and is at a pivotal point, where it is easy to become overwhelmed, to be swayed, to be convinced that anywhere is better than right here.  but once she gets through it all, and finally gets to where she's going, she'll be so much stronger as a person.  she'll stand at the top of her achievements and smile a grand smile.  the moment will be peaceful.  but then it will pass.  and the next chapter of self exploration will hold a destination far in the distance.  she might be able to see it if she squints.  but the treacherous journey to it will seem far less treacherous than it may have seemed the first time.  most likely, knowing her, it'll seem more like a fun playground of challenging puzzles that has the potential of entertaining her mind, body and soul.  this is where the journey gets to be a little more fun...  this time she'll have herself to keep her company.

"all men's miseries derive from not being able to sit in a quiet room alone."  ~ blaise pascal