Erica Chan Photography

I find this downturning blip in our economy is really just showing us how lazy we've gotten in the past couple of years.  With business booming and money coming in, we'd gotten used to working only "so" much and getting paid "that" much.  Now all of a sudden there is no more business, and the business that IS out there, everyone is looking for a bargain.  Some people are just losing business, while others are working double what they used to to capture the same amount or less business they had before.  It's been a humbling experience for sure.  But every once in a while we need a good kick in the butt to get ourselves running again.  And running is good exercise.  It is always survival of the fittest you know.

And here I was starting to think my business degree was just going to be neatly tucked away in the back of my mind - now all we're doing is increasing our marketing and cutting expenses.  It feels good to exercise those muscles in your mind again, I think.

 

As children we took direction from our parents. As adolescents we sought our own direction. As children we made small mistakes and our parents dusted us off. As adolescents we made big mistakes and suffered the consequences. Now that you’re an adult, you long for childhood, when life was simple, not painful. Most of the time, when you ask for advice you are not actually asking for direction. You already know the direction. What you’re asking for is someone to dust you off should you fall down. When they don’t dust you off you take the next natural step and place blame, just like you would blame your parents. And so it goes, adults looking for help in their lives, generally not finding it, and placing the blame on all sorts of things – the police, big business, the president, your best friend.

Think of it this way. If you could make all the decisions in your life without fear of failure, would you ask for any advice?

This isn’t to say that we don’t care what other people think. Obviously other’s opinions are important. They inform our own viewpoint. But if you’re asking for direction, you’re really asking for someone to protect you from failure. The unwritten rule is that you try to  learn from another’s mistakes rather than make your own. But maybe the more sensible thing to do is say “hey, I’m about to try this, it might fail miserably, if it does, will you bail me out?”

Imagine if our culture allowed such honesty.

Why is it that we always look to others for advice on how to live our lives when we are the only ones who make the final decisions.  Maybe we look for advice to make sure we are keeping ourselves in check.  It is a sign of a healthy mind that attempts to check our ego at the door and seek perspective.  But then what do we do with the advice that others give us - do we decide to cope with our problems or dilemmas by analyzing their responses?  If we decide to convince ourselves that our way is the right way, then what's the point of pretending we care what other people think.  We should listen to what others have to say, but know what YOU would do - without all the conflicting advice from someone other than yourself.  Most of the time I find people have their minds made up anyways, and are just asking other people's advice to confirm their ideas.  They hear something they don't want to hear and try to reason with other people to make them see it their way.  To justify or qualify their decisions.  It's funny how round about the human mind can be.  Is it a reflection of our personalities or is it a indication of our societal breeding and social placement?  Really, there is just so much integrity in the truth.  You can like or dislike a person who is honest with themselves and others, but you can never question their character.  They say it how it is, they live it by how they say it and they stand by how they live.

I'd like to hope that I have enough of the answers in my own head to make up my mind without needing to seek out justification.  I know that's probably not true, but I'd like to think it.  Sometimes it's easy to be swayed in our decisions in life.  That's life though.  It doesn't seem to get any easier in that respect.  So I guess we just make the best of each situation and convince ourselves we've made the right decision once we've made it.  You can't turn back time so there's no sense in wasting time look at what could have been or what might have been.  There's only what will happen in the future and where do we go from here.  And what did you learn.  That's a big one.

All in all it's not a bad alternative to have.  No dwelling.  Look forward, not back.  At least you won't be getting dizzy from trying to look both ways just to try and figure out where the heck you are.

I've been in the same place in what feels like the same time for a while now.  The day to day to day continue on in a length of patchwork seamlessly sewn together, noticably different patterns, all part of something bigger.  Like a broken record, life seems sometimes to skip in the same groove, repeating over and over and over again - hearing the same things, seeing the same things.  A part of me finds comfort in the imperfection of the record - I almost wait to hear a skipping record sometimes.  It's such a novel sound.  The routine path that is taken to make such a unique thing happen - there's something comforting about a routine.  But the other part of me just wants to get up, take the record out of the player and break it over my knee.  If it were my favourite record, I'd want to do that. I'd be looking for the comfort of the content, and in its inability to fulfill my craving I would become destructive.  Perhaps throw a temper tantrum.  But you can't always want what you want, when you want it.  Life just doesn't happen like that.  Both unfortunately and fortunately.

So the moments in life that I feel should be special, mean something... those are the ones that I get frustrated with when the appeal is lost.  Love.  Love should never feel lost.  If it does, then it probably is.  Friends should never feel absent, otherwise perhaps they are.  Family should never be distant.  Distance will feel endless if it divides you with your family.  Not physical distance, mind you.  Something much more painful than physical distance - that's the worst.  Choices should be something you always have.  Choice is your freedom and when freedom is lost you become nothing more than a prisoner in this long life and huge world.  There's nothing scarier than being a prisoner with the world still laid out wide in front of your eyes.  Setting goals - creating for yourself something to achieve.  We as humans are meant to achieve.  But achievement is exclusively tailored for each individual.  There are no rules or laws about when you've "achieved."  Nor is there a golden cookie once you've achieved something either.  Achievement and self fulfillment is the golden cookie.  Sometimes we forget that.  Sometimes we look for the reward in the wrong places and in doing so make our lives more of a chore than an ongoing series of achievements and successes. 

So, in times that may seem bleak or monotonous or bland or difficult or stressful or easy or boring or incredible... remember that that, in its all encompassing self, is the reward.  Routine IS the reward.  Difficult IS the reward.  Incredible IS the reward.  Think of how intricate and exciting your life is because of the stressful situations you've endured.  Or think of how comfortable your life is because of the monotony you've experienced.  Or think of how much you've grown because of how difficult life has been.  Life IS the reward.  We are underachievers if we forget the beauty of life and wish for something more.  We have the power to create something more for ourselves.  And that is life.  The doing.  Not just the wishing.  

So back to my first feeling of being on the wrong track of the broken record... I'm along for the ride, but once I need something more, I'll just have to find it somewhere else... Perhaps a different record.  Or I'll move up to an IPod.  Or cruise in the tape deck of my 1979 Volkswagon Beetle.  Wherever I am, I'll know I'm living life.  The way that keeps life interesting for me.

 

Today I sat chatting with a friend about the associations I should join if I want to take my wedding photography business to the next level.  There are so many photographic associations and groups that photographers SHOULD join if they are serious.  It helps with the marketing in the industry, communication to significant companies in the industry, opportunities.... etc.  I sat there staring at open windows on my computer, telling me the benefits and costs for joining their association.  It's not that I don't think that it is a good idea, it just that there are too many to choose from.  At the end of the day I could end up spending $1200 on 3 associations, and while it may be good to be a part of them, I will most likely give it little thought after I sign up.  There are so many resources out there in this world, for any profession really.  We are all swayed one way or another to join this, buy this, think about that or consider this.  I keep thinking - if I market myself the way these associations market themselves I will have people who are totally convinced they need to hire me, and then there will be those that aren't sure they should spend the money to hire me... the feelings of uncertainty that I am having right now... should I join or should I not.

Honestly, my love for photography is not something that I want to push onto people.  I want to have people look at my work, have their reactions and consider having me shoot based on their feelings... Sharing the love and passion.  That's how I want us to meet.

I had a great weekend by myself, pondering the meaning of life and enjoying the force of nature.  Feeling bouncy and perky, I made a quick recording in a bit of spare sunny time.  Keep in mind, it's really unmixed and raw, but happy happy happy!  Enjoy, Happy Monday!

Play my Monday Gift to you

I've found momentary satisfaction in fiction. This past week I have been bound like a child to their favourite toy, like a dog to their ball, to my indulgent friends in fiction.  Predictable adventure, passionate love, difficult choices and colorful language - I've immersed myself in it all.  For this week.  Pages fly by, almost 2000 in four days, predicaments build and fade, characters grow and change.  For four days MY life has stood still, jumped into the world of excitement and fantasy, holding on tight to the ride that I refuse to get off of until it really is over.  Up the roller coaster my brows furrow in worry, down the steep fall my heart races in exhilaration.  So many ups and downs and all arounds.  I can sense it now, though.  My ride is rounding the corner and the exit is near.  People will disembark, and I will want to hold on, ready to go again.  But nothing is as exciting as that first time.  When you don't know what to expect, and every moment is new and fresh and thrilling in every way... the second time around will never be the same.  So I am savouring these last few pages.  Drinking in every delicious decoration of description, listening to the lovliness of the language, finding closure with my new best friend, in the paths they have chosen and their fates that lie in my hands... literally.  Every page turns robotically, bringing me closer to what I've wanted from the beginning... to know.  But also, at the same dreadful time, bringing me closer to an end that I anxiously apprehend I must accept. 

My love affair will end with a hard closing of a book.  And reality awaits as my eyes will take some time to adjust.  But for now... for now I am savouring the story I'm in, allowing myself to dream this fictitous dream for the last, ever so satisfying day.