Erica Chan Photography

Are 30's the new 20's?

I am starting to think about all the little details for my 30th birthday coming up... I am planning on throwing (myself) a huge party to really prove the statement I've been hearing - 30's are the new 20's.  I'm not really that scared of turning 30.  I find myself younger at heart the older I get.  I'm really looking forward to the 30's.  I anticipate them to bring stablity in my career, strong friendships and hopefully a family.  The 20's were fun, but life is a progression of stages.  I'm ready for the next one.  I hope for the sake of my personal growth that 30's aren't the new 20's. The 20's are over.  Been there.  Done that.

I think about how backwards many of my friend's have done things.  I have so many friends who have babies now, but they aren't married.  They have houses but they aren't married.  A good friend of mine has entered adult life in this order - Baby (check); House (check); Marriage - next year.  According to the more traditional transcripts of life he did everything backwards.  He is massively successful as a father and overall human being.  Nothing wrong with the way he did things. Maybe backwards is the new forwards.

I say let's not get caught up on the right way of doing things.  Let's just focus on doing things right.  Whatever order your life takes, go with the flow of it.  Nobody - not one single person - in this world is the same as you.  You have to live your life.  Even if it means you break out of the box of normality and familiarity that society tries to place us in.  Nobody likes being boxed in anywhere.  No one likes to be considered abnormal, but the reality of it is that we are all quirky and weird in our own ways.  Embrace your idiosyncracies!  To be honest anyway, I find weird is the new normal these days.

I am settling back into life after having a good friend out in Maui for the past week.  My friend Kody has been out (on his once a year vacation), taking in the sites, sounds and inspirations of Maui for the last week.  I do love having company, but most of the time I get burnt out by the end of people's trips because they are on vacation and I am not, and I often have so much work to catch up on when they leave that I feel overwhelmed and burnt.  Kody left last night.  Today, sitting at my desk at work, I feel rejuvenated.  We packed a full Maui trip into the week, from hiking several hikes, to the crater, to yoga, to a downwinder to, partying with Miguel Migs, to chilling at the Olovine pools in West Maui, to beaching it, to surfing... we did a lot. 

Kody and I are very different people in many respects.  We are also very similar in many.  He is a driven person who is passionately rebranding his family business to bring it up to speed with the world we live in today.  The hardest thing about family businesses is that you have to come into it knowing it has been a success under the vision of your father (or mother).  There is a business established.  There is success established.  But the world is changing and so are the systems of the business world.  Things become archaic and inefficient.  Taking the antiquated processes and modernizing them is no easy feat.  It can be a daunting and frustrating and humbling all at the same time.  It can create a lot of work and a lot of stress for an individual, as they feel the need to succeed biting the back of their neck everyday.  Kody worked hard until the moment he came out to Maui, then he turned off his Blackberry, and slowed down to Maui time.  For a week the business was far far away, as were the stresses of everyday life back at home.

In the week that he was here, I feel that both Kody and I created parts of ourselves from the broken pieces that were inside of us, searching for a place to belong.  It's not that we didn't have it in us in the first place... that's exactly my point... we did.  There are pieces of us that are sometimes lost inside of us, waiting to be reconnected to the bigger picture.  They can be out of context if we can't find a place for them in the lives we live.  But they are there, living inside us.  They are part of our makeup.  It can be confusing if they are floating around because we ask the question "why am I this way" or "why do I feel this" or "why do I think this" as a result sometimes.  We sometimes get so caught up in routine that we can't find the room to fit another piece of ourselves into that routine.  If I were to analyze Kody in his time here, I would say that the slowing down of time and the lack of things to stress about helped him really take a deep breath and put the stresses of business on the back burner for a minute - not to forget about them, just to put them on the back burner.  We chatted about life, relationships, goals, family, friends - to me, the most important things in life.  Kody had a lot to say, too.  His perpectives made me think about myself and my goals.  Because of his thirst for knowledge and his professional drive, he really made me step back and rediscover my biggest fear - the fear of success.  In a way, I think we probbed each other to challenge our ways of thinking (not necessarily to change, but definitely to challenge) and emerge on the other side with a better idea of who we are, what we are made up of and why we do the things we do.  From there, it is easier to look forward at life without the opaque obstacles of uncertainty.

No matter how amazing an experience is - be it because of the people around us, the environment we put ourselves in or the elements that challenge us - we are the ultimate master planners of our lives.  We take what we want to take from each experience, analyze it, and fit it into our lives.  A lot of the time we go searching for the answers - but if we have an idea of what we are looking for already it's almost like we search for the answer we want so that we can use it to confirm what it is we are thinking.  We have to be out to discover new things - and most importantly, new things about ourselves.  Take all your presumptions and prior beliefs and hide them in the closet.  Then open the door to see what new ideas are knocking.  You can decide to let them in (or not) after you've heard what they have to say.  Our lives change from day to day to day - starting with today.

Live life with a purpose, make things happen for yourself.  If you are WAITING to find the right person or the right job or the right "anything" - you might not find it.  But as a creator of your own destiny, you have your creations right in front of you as proof that you've found what you're looking for.

"Life isn't about finding yourself.  Life is about creating yourself."  George Bernard Shaw

i was sitting in the water the other day at freight trains, a break at maalaea harbor that i usually avoid because it is heavy and barrels that heaviness right onto me and my long board.  but this morning, i paddled out.  i sat in the middle with my friend Quinn, all by ourselves, with overhead sets coming in. i sat on the outside a little, watching and waiting for the perfect wave to pick me and my long board up.  i waited.  waves came. waves conquered. i waited some more.

there's something nerve racking about the fear and exhilarating rush that surfing tends to make me feel.  if i am out at an unfamiliar break, or on a day where the waves can smash my body against the sharp coral blades waiting beneath me, sometimes i just feel nervous.  but the rides - oh the rides are worth it. 

as i was sitting out there, i watched a couple waves go by, and then finally got sick of watching Quinn paddling back out with a huge grin on his face.  my turn. 

i paddled for the first wave of the next set, a sweet nugget of a wave.  it walled up beside me and the ride was fast fast fast.  i sped down the line at lightning speed, my shoulder inches away from the wall of water on my right.  I saw the wall begin to pull away and curl over in front of me, and i tucked to gain more speed.  I tucked into my first FULL barrel of my life.  FULL.  For a good 5 seconds the view of maui around me disappeared.  all i could see was a tube of seemingly angry water, held up by a perfect off shore wind, spooning me into a little cocoon, with a circled frame of the outside world pulling away in front of me.  but the window remained there, right there, a few feet in front of me, as the power of the wave pushed me forward, speedily racing for the light at the end of the barrel.  an eternity in 5 second, the adrenaline searing my eyes open.  finally, me an my long board, despite all our efforts to floor the gas pedal, got swallowed by the cyclone of water. 

emerging, i heard myself screaming an exhilarted scream.  not one of fear.  my pulse was racing, my face was beaming with excitement and pure frickin stoke. 

what does this have to do with balance... i get carried away with the details sometimes, but to me it is all relevant.  as i paddled back out after the wave of my life, i sat staring back out at the waves coming in - their beckoning beauty.  all i could do was think about how amazing surfing is.  it is a sport of mental and physical self challenge.  it takes years to get to the place you want to be... it takes beatings to build up the courage to continually challenge yourself in bigger waves... it takes knowledge of the right and wrong ways of doing things in order to be safe... it takes patience to wait for the perfect rides... it takes long term patience to get better... years... it takes (literally) balance to be on a surfboard.... you have to maneuver the weight from the core of yourself to ride the wave properly.  the board is just a tool to connect your natural physical self with nature's natural roller coaster.  and what it gives you... it gives you confidence in yourself... it gives you courage... it gives you ultimate satisfaction fueled by adrenaline... it gives you a smile... it gives you energy... it gives you a sense of peace...

what it gives you is so amazingly balanced by all the challenges... it builds a person, and gives them a perfect platform to balance out their inner and outer selves. you just have to exhibit the patience and perseverance.  time does the rest.   

surfing may not be the answer for everyone.  it is an answer for me.  for some it's yoga.  but i recommend finding that thing in your life that challenges you in these ways.  it really pinpoints the purpose of living if you can find the perfect balance.  both physically, emotionally and mentally.  everything seems to become easier.  stress seems to melt away. 

i recommend surfing to anyone who is looking for a good challenge.  it really gives back to you all that you put in.  a lifelong activity of equilibrium.  worst case scenario, the scales tip because it gives more back to you the longer you do it.  that's an inbalance i welcome.

 

I was out for a surf the other day.  The waves weren't that big that I shouldn't have been out there, but they were a little on the larger side.  Maybe head and a half.  Spare two days, I didn't surf at all during the summer while I was in BC.  Coming back to Maui and being thrown into the surf was great.  I felt the warm water splash over me, the elements of nature in full force, making me appreciate the life I am living.  But it also made me a little nervous.  You know when you haven't done something in a while and you feel like you need a quick little refresher course before being thrown straight back into it.... that's how I felt about surfing that day.  There were 30 people at the spot at Hookipa that I was at, and the waves were a good size.  Something inside me felt a little nervous.  I sat on the shoulder, watching people catch wave after wave after wave.  I was on a long board, and 90% of the people were on shortboards.  I purposely didn't put myself in the impact zone to avoid the crowd.  But sitting on the shoulder, avoiding the impact zone... I didn't get any of the impact.  I watched other people getting action.  But I wasn't.  It made me think... if you aren't willing to put your self out there - in the impact zone - you won't get any action.  And you have no one to blame but yourself.

Sometimes we are scared to put ourselves out there.  For whatever reason, in whatever situation.  Do you ever stop to ask yourself why?  Why won't we speak in front of a crowd?  Why won't we model for a photoshoot?  Why won't we paddle into the impact zone and charge a big wave?  Why won't we ask that person we have a crush on out on a date?  Whatever the situation is... Fear plays such a huge part of life sometimes.  We shy away from the things that we fear.  Fear can be a huge obstacle in accomplishing something that we need or want to accomplish, but can't overcome the fear factor and hurdles it provides. 

A lot of the time, at least in my case, there is an intense fear of success.  We can call it a fear of failure, but more often it is a fear of success.  What happens when we succeed.  Where do we go from there.  What other things will that bring.  Are we ready for the changes that will be born from success?  By putting ourselves out there... in that scary place that is riddled with uncertainty and governed by our own fears... we test our vulnerability.  We test how well we can stand the impact from the impact zone.  And how we are when the impact has passed.  How we feel, how we stand, how we have managed.  Most of the time it will wash over you, and you can feel a sense of exhilaration for accomplishing something that has been hidden behind your fear for so long.  You can hide in your safe place forever and always feel safe - but you will never be seen or found by anyone else.  Put yourself out there.  Challenge yourself to overcome something that has been holding you back.  Put yourself in the impact zone.  Feel the impact.

So as for my surf session... I paddled back into the crowd of people and sat there, right at the point of impact.  A big set came through, I paddled out past the first wave and then turned for the second wave.  I made such a nice drop deep into the wave.  I could see the top of the wave curling it's lips at me from a couple feet above my head as I rode the glassy terrain that only nature at its best can provide.  I took the wave all the way in - wave of the day for sure.  At my car, two guys came by and commented on my wave.  Great ride, they said.  Yes it was a great ride I thought, as I turned away with a huge grin on my face.

The greatest danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it.  ~ Michelangelo

Now for a number of years my house was home to a little old lady. She was lonely. No family and few friends. Not very mobile. I suppose her boredom lead her to befriend the local wildlife. She fed a stray cat, who still comes around often and is actually quite nice. She put out bright red hummingbird feeders which apparently worked, though I've only seen one once. And, unfortunately, she fed stale breadcrumbs to a pair of pigeons who chose to nest under the eaves of my roof. The old lady kept her feeding routine going for many years, so long in fact that none of my neighbours can remember a time when there wasn't a pair of pigeons roosting under my roof.

As the saying goes, all good things come to an end, and when the old broad moved on so went the breadcrumbs. Feeling some responsibility for the menagerie we inherited, Lisa suggested we get some cat food. I agreed. We even decided to put some sugar water in the hummingbird feeder. But the pigeons would have to find their food elsewhere. Sadly, this didn't seem to be a problem for these ubiquitous roof dwellers. They stayed. And for 9 months I passed along my front walk, keenly aware of feathers in my garden, poop on my shingles, and cooing in my brain. When turds began turning up on our tomato plants, Lisa was furious, and ‘project eviction’ was formed. 

Thus, one hot summer’s day I dawned jacket, gloves and respirator in preparation for battle. I sent Lisa and Laurel inside, away from danger. Than up I went. I surveyed the scene from atop a 20 foot extension ladder. The trail of poop began in the eaves, then disappeared into the roof cavity, hidden between shingles and soffit, leading down towards a long, shaky-looking gutter. The fascia board behind the gutter also looked fragile. Above the unstable fascia and gutter, a noticeable gap had opened where the shingles seemed to be peeled back. I suspected that the trail of poop ended here, where the Pigeons made their nest.  

My first action was to pop the gutter free. It came away all too easy. Then, I took hold of the fascia board. The softest touch of my hand was enough for it to disintegrate entirely, all 12 feet of rotten board crumbling to the ground. It was at this moment that the terrible extent of the pigeon occupation became known. The fascia had concealed the roof cavity, inside of which lay layer upon layer of pigeon shit. Mounds of it filled the cavity, 6 inches deep, 12 feet across, stretching upslope beyond sight. There was enough shit to fill 10 bathtubs. I was completely gobsmacked! I’ll quickly sum up the nasty task of cleaning away the poop by saying it was horrible, sweaty, disgusting and impossibly dirty. A wretched task that once begun, must be completed, and never, never done again. All the equipment used, like the plastic dust pan & rusty old trowel, suffered from irreparable contamination and was consigned to the trash heap. My body was also savaged by the airborn toxic event. Flecks of caustic crap clung to beads of sweat, in every place that shit shouldn’t be, in hair, ears, neck. But of course, I was wearing shit covered gloves, and so all those hundreds of individual itches went unscratched. With each scoop of the poop another localized poof would envelop me. There was no avoiding it. My resolve was strong, to clean the mess and once and for all, and at the same time I desperately wanted to be far, far away.  The dissonance this created in my tormented mind went beyond discomfort, crossing the boundary towards torture, but one self imposed. A funny thing happens to my psyche during such stressful times, I seem to find a strange reprieve in sadism, the embracing of disgust, the prideful boasting of intolerable anguish. Where this comes from I have no idea, maybe you’ve felt something similar?

Eventually I wrapped up the crap cleanup and descended my ladder back to firm ground. Lisa came out to hose me down. Rarely does one enjoy a full body cold water blast as cathartically as I. It bordered on the spiritual. And so the pigeon eviction was completed, though those damn stupid birds still return looking for their former home. Why they poke around I don’t know, there’s nothing here for them. If they keep it up....the final chapter has yet to be written...

I went to yoga the other day - for the first time in years.  I used to be really into yoga, for about 7 years, it was a major part of my life.  Then life got busy, and it was one of the things that I let go, temporarily, until I could conceptualize how to fit it back into my busy schedule.  So, now, 4 years later, I want it back. 

It was a wonderful class, but I felt like a beginner again.  My body had adapted to less stretching, I'd become inflexible and ridid.  Over the years, where I began to include surfing into my lifestyle, my body had built up muscle in places I hadn't had before, all while losing flexibility.  My body style changed.  My posture had changed.  My strength areas had changed.  My body had adapted. 

It's not just getting older, it's feeling the ways you get older.  In my body in particular, my arches of my feet have started to collapse from wearing flip flops all the time in Hawaii.  This causes negative compensation in my knees, leading to weakening of my lower back.  Mixed with the intense use of back muscles from surfing, I've developed many bad tendencies of coping with the pain.  It was all such a gradual movement, starting with my change of lifestyle.  Sometimes we take for granted what our bodies do for us, and we need to pay more attention.  Much like gardening, if you don't get down and look closelly, you might be able to tell what the problems are, that, on a miniscule level, are the catalysts for breakdown and failure. 

I've become very aware of how my body has begun to adapt to my unbalanced physical lifestyle.  And I can now make a change to remedy the situation.  I can adapt again. 

I think adaptation is the ongoing theme of life.  We never know what is going to be thrown our way, and sometimes life can take you by surprise.  The people who can adapt are the people who are conscious and receptive to the things around them.  All the things.  Everything can play a part in your life.  Your life is the stage, and every person is an actor in that play.  Every thing is a prop in that play.  Every interaction is a scene in that play.  You are the writer and, really, your play is only as good as you write it.  Remember improv in drama class in school.  I was never really good at improv, but I find I'm learning the thought process behind it just by living life.  My whole life is one big improv performance.  You have to adapt, or the scene just goes dead.

And there are so many things to be aware of - your mental improv, your physical improv, your social improv, your professional improv... so many facets in life, so many different ways to approach things.  It makes for some serious organization of your life.  But when it all makes sense, it makes you realize it's all worth it. 

Adaptation comes in many disguises.  But like on Halloween, you can always kind of tell who is who, and what is what.  You just have to figure the way to adapt, and it slowly becomes easier, because your thought process has already figured out what it is, and what causes it.

I'm all for adaptation.  It is my evolution of life.  And it brings new scenes, chapters and adventures.  Like six degrees of separation, one connection leads to another, and the world opens up to you in ways you can't imagine.  It's a beautiful web of complexity, passion and fulfillment.  We just have to figure out a way to visualize the connections.  See what else is a possibility.  Then the world becomes your possibility.

Just like my dog, Three - when an obstacle is thrown in her way while she is on her mission to retrieve "the ball" - she figures her way around it.  Whether it's a chair, or a blanket over her head, or the ball has been buried under the sand, or has been placed on a shelf - she surveys the situation, problem solves as best she can, and figures out a way to get it.  If all else fails, she will bark consistently until someone gets so annoyed that they get it for her.  Either way she gets the job accomplished.

I will return to yoga again tomorrow, when my body stops aching from that first class - my catalyst. It opened up my muscles and began the healing process by alleviating pain, in the natural ways only your bodies can adapt.

ho hum.  it's just another day.  it's neither sunny nor rainy.  they clouds look fierce, but hang just over the sky enough to intimidate.  the wind rattles the trees and the air is cool.  the plants in my garden shiver.  I woke up this morning feeling grey... grey like the day outside.  I think that's called pathetic fallacy, if my memory serves me right from high school english classes.  as a go go go person, I'm always on the move, thinking of what's coming next, planning, planning, planning.  I am never short of things to do.  but today, today I woke up thinking I don't want to do anything.  I don't have TV, so I can't sit in bed and watch TV.  but I don't want to take any phone calls, I don't want to write any emails, I don't want to do any work, I don't want to think about anything.  I just want to cuddle up with my dog, Three, and do nothing.... maybe pet her behind the ears and rub her stomach... but that's it. 

it's not that I lack motivation.  it's just one of those days.  there's something peaceful about peace and quiet, with no noise except the wind blowing the doors in your house shut.  I hope it will be one of those days... I think I have to start by getting off the computer.  I think that's my cue. I hope all of you enjoy your day.